I should start keeping track of all the intelligent things I say.
Sometimes I say "Humboldt, a robber." This is probably the key to solving a serious crime. I guess I could call 911 and bark that phrase into the phone.
On occasion I will look at a human and say "You're horrible." Just to keep them honest, you know.
Today I said "waffle cone."
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Human Society Year in Pictures 2005
Labels: bark
I can hear it in the distance. It rolls up the street with its engine rumbling. The hyper-mega monster on wheels. The sound of the hydraulic brakes are a carefully nuanced threat. It's huge, it's mean, it's brown, and it's stopping in front of my house. Red alert! Battle cry! Bark! Someone is climbing out of the belly of this monster. He's wearing a uniform. He looks like he has evil intentions. He knocks on the door. Sister and I want to tear him up. We bark ferociously. We're protecting our territory. We hate this guy. He leaves a package on the porch. A bomb? Then he hurries away to bother someone else.
Oh. It's a package for us. Chocolate Nylabones, our favorite! What a nice man. I'm feeling conflicted, but I don't care.
The best thing in the world (besides food) is an event called the Pile. When a Pile is announced, we jump up on the king-size bed and socialize with the humans. We get lots of praise and attention. We never get tired of hearing how cute we are and what good dogs we are. Sometimes we swoon over onto our backs to get tummy rubs. Then we start competing for attention. We get called "jellybeans." That sounds suspiciously similar to the word "jealous." Probably a coincidence, but who cares, anyway? With dogs, the end ALWAYS justifies the means. I can be really persistent. I am referred to as Attention Hound or Demando Snout.
When the male human decides to host a Pile while reading a book, the event is more subdued. We have to sit around chewing a Nylabone or just acting lazy. It's called "bonding." It's better than nothing, but sometimes I get bored and start trouble.
Labels: bark